I surrender myself into the arms of a beautiful stranger

He does not know how he without knowing a single thing about me, defined my past in two sentences.He does not know how the lights were shining so bright that  night that i had to close my eyes. Or how scared i am that one day that light will fade away. Or run away. Because someone once said: the light that burns twice as bright, burns for half as long.

dsc0114


15.03.2009, the day she gave up. Poof, gone.


out of boredom i created this.

I'm the next act waiting in the wings

dsc0451

Like a ghost. No strength. Just floating. Seethrough.Hearing, not listening. Speaking,not talking. Just nothing.

pick yourself up, it's going to be okay


dsc0066

I miss a small town full of big people with big hearts. I miss the smell of grass and breathing in the dry air. I miss the concrete buildings and the  heat. I miss the small things that never seem to matter more then when they are no longer there.. And most of all i miss the strange feeling of familiarity.

Sen en tid tillbaka har jag varit tom och försökt att hitta spår som leder rätt

I have found a new place for my dreams, fantasies and wandering. Lost my way and found a magic forrest. I am surrounded by elves, trols, magicians and witches.  I kow they are there, I feel their presence, even though I  still have not seen them. It is beautiful. My own Boo'Ya Moon. Its all there. In one place. Fields of my thoughts and imagination infront of me. I collect them, sort them, rearrange and pour them out again.

 

The sun shines on me and the words fall down on the green grass, leaving everything sparkly and glittery. As colorful crystals they roll down the slopes and fall into the river. The river that makes life. It is beautiful. This is my new place. A place for dreams, fantasies and wandering. I am staying.


dsc0056


I have been reading too much Stephen King and seen Amélie one too many times.

when the truth gets scary, i'll take my gin and sherry

Even though your point of view on this world is a few centimetres higher than mine, i now feel like you are looking down at me from somwhere above the clouds. How i used to hate it when you did that. And you crush me like a piece of paper, making me even smaller than i am. You can see through me, see all the red spots i get when i am mad, you can see them with those cold eyes of yours. Those eyes, were they always this unkind? I remember them being warm, i remember them being my source for strength, but now i think i might have been fooling myself. It seems to me like they can freeze anything they look at and i have seen them do that too many times. And this overwhelming feeling that i should say that i am sorry, but my toungue can not do it. Because it knows something i still do not believe: there is nothing to be sorry for.

 

dsc0543

The words that come out of my mouth surprise me. They sound nothing like sorry. Nothing like anything i have ever said or even would say in my normal state, but you always did know how to shake me out of that state.They sound more like something you would say. But for the first time i feel a thousand times lighter.


Your ego fed of me for way too long and tonight it died overweight.

Four be the things I'd have been better without: goodbyes, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

dsc0146